Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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