Little spoons don't ask big questions
We got so high we made milksteak
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
