Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
babies were throwing up all over the place
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
