if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
