I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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