I'm eating all of the evidence.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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