Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize