question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
