You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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