My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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