Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
