did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
