this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
