So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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