something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
