bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
