No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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