Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
