I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
do nipples grow back?
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