I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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