Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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