the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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