you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
