i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
