So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
