THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
