I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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