We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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