where am i from again
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
