you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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