Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
