Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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