You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
