Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
