I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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