just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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