he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize