i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
