I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
