dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
