Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
