Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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