Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
too bad you live with your parents still
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
