Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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