just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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