I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
