Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
