He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
