I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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