apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
