I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
