I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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