she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
