My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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