no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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