Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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