i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize