I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
