1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
