Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
