im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
