I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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