Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
