Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Too much gin, very little bucket
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
