I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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