I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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