Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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