I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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