What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it's like heaven, but drunker
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
