awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
